Play the shark
   Play the bride
   Joan of Arc
   Mrs. Hyde
   You're a girl with a thousand faces to choose from, do one
  
   Do the saint
   Do the waif
   Do the child
   That was great
   Great performances only come with some inspiration
  
   CHORUS
   Oh, what a great performance
   What a convincing performance
   An Academy Award performance
  
   Well produced
   Clever lines
   Well rehearsed
   Well defined
   There's a goldmine in what you do, but of course you know that
   That's not bad
   Nor is that
   Very good
   So was that
   On behalf of the guys you've known, here's your golden trophy
  
   CHORUS
  
   Play the scene
   Naturelle
   Drop the lights
   Drop the towel
   No director can tell you what you should do, you'll do it
  
   What panache
   Oh, what style
   Pack the house
   Pack the aisles
   Everyone's in the dark when you're in the room, those rumors