Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
  Bout everything he's seen and done
  The voice of 50 years experience
  Drunk, watching the television
  You know he's been around the world
  Last night he flew to Baghdad
  In his magical armchair
  Cigarettes and a six pack, he just got back
  Now the spit's flying everywhere
    Hey, hey, hey, hey (Your Uncle Walter's going on and on)
  You're back so late (Where did you go that you were gone so long)
  how could you leave me here so long
  With Uncle Walter
    Your Uncle Walter saw who fired the shots
  He drove his chair in the cavalcade
  He's flown from South Africa
  To countries where
  They beat themselves on the backs with chains
  There was a fleet of battleships
  And 1 reclining chair
  Headed north on the Arabian sea
  Now he's back and he'll tell us what
  He and his oldest boy Blair
  Are getting rich with their mail order scheme
    Oh, oh, oh, oh
  We're glad you're home
  But how could you leave me here so long
  With Uncle Walter
    Your Uncle Walter told me
  Everything he'd do if he was president
  Oh what a perfect world
  This world would be
  If he were President now
    And he sees the children
  Smoking pot
  He knows that in a moment
  They'll be shooting up heroin
  Teardrops in his armchair
  A 50 minute lecture
  And tobacco juice rolling down his chin
    Hey, hey, hey, hey
  You're back so late
  How could you leave me here so long
  With Uncle Walter