Destiny was calling
  Monday afternoon
  Wednesday you'll be crawling
  And you'll pray to be there soon
  With sports and wine
    Some men never grew up
  Fortunate like you
  Some men never found out
  What it takes to be a dude
  That's Sports and Wine
    The girls don't understand it
  What you think is art
  My oh my we're all impressed
  How sensitive you are
  Everybody's talkin' about you now
  You know it's true
  Always has been sports and wine for you
    So you ask me how I think I know
  Just what makes you tick
  I know what I know y'know
  I know you make me sick
  Sports and wine
    Girls don't understand it
  Anything you say
  I don't understand it either
  Guess that makes me gay
  Everybody's talking 'bout you now
  You know it's true...