[in a high falsetto voice]
  Uncle Marshall!
  Will you tell us a bedtime story?
  [regular voice]
  Here we go...
  
  Now once upon a time not long ago
  There was a little rapper about to blow
  But his album came and it was not good
  I think it went lead or double copper wood
  So the silly little fans they were mislead
  By a nerdy internet computer hip-hop head
  "Me and you, 'Clef, we're gonna make some cash
  Grab the silver paint and let's paint my ass"
  Hey mister, would ya care to bare witness to
  The ass-whippin' I'm about to administer
  To this ass-kissin' little vaginal blister
  Stanabis, little Marshall Mathers' sister
  And in this corner, we have the mister
  Not havin' it, it's the mad sinister
  Dr. Evil with his bag of tricks for
  this little antagonist faggot dick-suckin'
  Ex-LL Cool J fan from Windsor
  I'm 'bout to murder little Kenny fag Keniff-sta
  You bastard I ain't wanna have to diss ya
  Canabis, where the fuck you at? I miss ya!
  
  [Chorus]
  Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
  Where for art thou Can-i-bitch?
  Please tell me what happened with
  That style that you were rappin' with
  Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
  Are you from Los Angeles
  New York or just a janitor
  From Canada? Oh Can-i-bitch
  
  Now at first I ain't really understand the shit
  Picture me for a second and imagine it
  Chillin' in the Bat-Mansion and relaxin'
  When all a sudden some bullshit comes across the scanners
  It's Can-i-bitch on some "Stan Lives" shit
  It creeped me out at first. Man this is sick
  For me, being just a sick, this conflict
  Gets my dick harder than arithmetic
  And I know how you jealous ones envy
  I shoulda knew better from the first few letters you sent me
  The first two letters you were tellin' me shit
  Like you respect me, like any other regular MC
  The third letter you ask how come I ain't return
  None of the messages at Shady Records you left me
  The fourth letter: "Slim, you really startin' to upset me!"
  The fifth letter told me you were comin' to get me
  The sixth letter there's a bomb threat in our building
  This crazy motherfucker's really tryin' to kill me!
  So I went back and read the first few letters that said
  Some shit about a message you left
  Oh shit, that's not an "E" that's an "A"
  This dude wants to leave me a "massage," he's gay!!
  Right away I'm on the phone with Dr. Dre
  We got a bogey! (Marshall I'm on the way)
  
  [Chorus]
  Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
  Where for art thou Can-i-bitch?
  Please tell me what happened with
  That style that you were rappin' with
  Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
  Are you from Los Angeles
  New York or just a janitor
  From Canada? Oh Can-i-bitch
  
  So in two seconds flat Dre's at my crib
  The funny thing is we both know where this kid lives
  And neither one of us have Canadian citizenship
  Shit. Oh Dre, wait a mintue that's it
  All we gotta do is use a bit of turbo boost
  We can fly over the border "Let's go" [WOOSH!]
  So we're off to Toronto and we're gainin' speed
  [BOOSH!] (What was that? Oh) Jermaine Dupri
  Fuck It, keep goin' no time to waste
  Wait, backup hit him one more time in case
  Okay .. fuck now he's draggin' under the car
  Oh well, only 30 more thousand miles
  Meanwhile me and Dre are tryin' to conversate
  Just tryin' to find a reason for the constant hate
  And tryin' to figure out what happened to 'Germaine Propaine'
  "He couldn't have fell off that hard" Ain't no way
  "What happened to the way you was rappin' when you was scandalous
  That Canibus turned into a television evangelist"
  Plus he raps with his regular voice [BOOSH! BOOSH!]
  [BOOSH! BOOSH!] (What was that?) Pet Shop Boys
  So we pull up to the bridge where he last was spotted
  His corpse was still movin' but his ass was rotted
  He kinda smelled a little like Courtney Love
  I figure if I stick him with a fork he's done
  So I stabbed him twice, kept jabbin', Christ
  He won't die, this guy's like a battered wife
  He's like Kim, he keeps comin' back for more
  But he won't fight back I cracked his jaw
  Hold up, 'Bis quit foldin' up!
  Punch me in the chest! Make my shoulders touch!
  Do somethin'! At least one punchline
  C'mon till the meter reads 9-9-9-
  ty-nine percent of my fans are blonde
  'Bis c'mon answer me man respond!
  Tell me 'bout the sun rain moon and stars
  Intergalatical metaphors from Mars!
  Raw to the floor, raw like Reservoir Dogs
  Bite another line from Redman's song!
  Suddenly the stub from a dead man's arm
  From a midget reaches out from under the car
  It's JD, this motherfucker won't die neither
  Dre starts sprayin' him with cans of ether
  We stomped the bitch and then stopmed the bitch again
  (Compton!) Detroit bitch! Talk some shit again!
  Stomp him! (switch feet) Stomp him! (switch again!)
  Dre alright he's dead dog, quit kickin him!
  I think Stanabis jumped off the bridge again (Damn)
  He disappeared yo he's gone he did it again
  
  [Chorus]
  Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
  Where for art thou Can-i-bitch?
  Please tell me what happened with
  That style that you were rappin' with
  Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
  Are you from Los Angeles
  New York or just a janitor
  From Canada? Oh Can-i-bitch